i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
