Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
