he shaved USA in his pubs
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
