Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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