now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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