all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
