TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
