Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
