I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
