last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
