Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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