we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
