2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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