i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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