I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
