I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
