Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
