pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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