I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize