The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
