You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
