He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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