Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
