now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
