I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
