She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
