So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
