My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
