she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
one two three fourrrrnication!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
