yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
