I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
