we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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