My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
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you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
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In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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