Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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