If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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