He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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