I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
