just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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