after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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