i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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