good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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