he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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