But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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