you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
