Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
