Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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