I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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