I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.