# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing