Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
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She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
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I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.