Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you