im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
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so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no