My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
