You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dick very happy bro
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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