so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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