Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize