In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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