We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
