Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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