Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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