I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
