Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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