Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
