That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
