There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
