the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
