Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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