i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
