and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
