evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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